Game 6: Remembering How to Play Ice Hockey
The San Jose Sharks are a professional ice hockey team...at least that’s what it says here. In Game 5, the Sharks’ play more closely resembled somebody having a seizure than that of a professional hockey team.
I feel like there’s not much else to say about that as it is filling me with the rage of 1,000 fiery suns. As cliche as it sounds, Game 6 is a different game. Alex Stalock gets the nod in net in place of the struggling Antti Niemi and Mark-Edouard Vlasic is out with an upper-body injury after a Game 5 hit from known child-molester, Jarret Stoll. Jarret Stoll is the type of person that would make his kids play monopoly with him and then flip the game board over and rub it in after he beat them.
I feel like there’s not much else to say about that as it is filling me with the rage of 1,000 fiery suns. As cliche as it sounds, Game 6 is a different game. Alex Stalock gets the nod in net in place of the struggling Antti Niemi and Mark-Edouard Vlasic is out with an upper-body injury after a Game 5 hit from known child-molester, Jarret Stoll. Jarret Stoll is the type of person that would make his kids play monopoly with him and then flip the game board over and rub it in after he beat them.
In games 4 and 5 the Sharks had a rough start allowing the games first goal(s). Expect the Sharks to come out of the gate stronger than Game 5. Desperation has begun to set in and every single player needs to step up their game. I’ve been oddly optimistic over the last couple days and I still feel like the Sharks will win the series. We all know what happened last time the Sharks were involved in a Game 6 at Staples Center.
Prediction: Sharks - 3 Kings - 2 (OT) Patrick Marleau wins the series and does the #ThorntonSlide on Staples Center ice.
Song to describe the game : Have Faith In Me by A Day To Remember
(FROM HC: "My choice of song would be Murder by HORSE the Band because the Sharks will murder the Kings playoff hopes")
(FROM HC: "My choice of song would be Murder by HORSE the Band because the Sharks will murder the Kings playoff hopes")
A hot minute on the other games tonight (a very hot minute):
Penguins @ Blue Jackets (PIT leads series 3-2)
This series is fun and the Jackets should have already wrapped this one up. Jackets force Game 7.
Prediction: Jackets - 4 Penguins - 2
Song: A song from any Ohio-based band. Try a The Devil Wears Prada Song.
Avalanche @ Wild (COL leads series 3-2)
This series has been annoying. The Avs are kind of annoying. I kind of hope they win tonight and then get swept by the Blackhawks in the second round. I think the Wild will force Game 7 though.
Prediction: Wild - 3 Avalanche - 2
Song: Any really dumb song. 
Jakk is back. And sad. Are they the same thing? Yes. Don't doubt me, because I'm drunk as I write this.
ReplyDeleteI am writing this to everyone who calls the Sharks a team of choke artists. Are you right that the Sharks have not won a Stanley Cup? Yes, of course. Only in my wet dreams do they dare advance too far in the playoffs, dare I say even the finals. But this does not make them choke artists. Rather, we have to understand as fans of the meaningless entity that we call professional sports that there can only be one winner. And that winner this year, and for the past couple decades, is not the Sharks. Boo fucking hoo. Lots of teams lose. In fact, I would say that most of them lose(because they do, approximately 29/30). Certainly we all lose, because we spend our time watching other people hit each other and smack a little bit of rubber with large wooden (composite material) sticks instead of doing anything good in the world. And that's alright. If you can't accept the fact that your team has not won a cup yet, go to Vancouver and riot like the pussy you are. We are not owed anything, and the dice roll that is fate decided that the Sharks would not win. Get over it.
While our team losing does diminish them in our eyes, we nonetheless go on supporting them. Because that is what fans do. The Sharks will likely remain one of the best teams in the NHL, and they will eventually win a cup. Will it be within our lifetimes? Probably, unless you're old as shit like Dan Boyle. I'm not saying that we shouldn't demand more of them, because we should. Hell, there should be people fired and players traded over this, because we as fans expect, but don’t deserve better.
But the fact of the matter is that we devote time and money to watch people who play the best sport in the world their whole lives, and we watch them lose in the playoffs again and again. And then we feel bad. And then we get the fuck over it. We have to understand that the Sharks, and hockey, are not going away any time soon. We will continue to watch the sport we love, and embrace the team we love. They will change, as will the sport, but the fact of the matter is that we bleed teal. Now drink the fuck up, dry your fucking tears, and lets watch the Ducks plunder the tender cavern of the King's collective asshole.
Suck my dick everyone.
- Jakk
I wish I had seen this comment earlier. But this is awesome.
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